The past two weeks have been a wild journey of biopsies, diagnoses and
treatment of my Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. At times, terrifying. At times,
hilariously funny and absurd. I have already learned after spending an hour in
Target that I don't really look good in hats...with or without hair. And my
daughter tried to show me how to draw on eyebrows...but that is definitely an
acquired skill. She was reminded of a Wil&Grace episode where an
accidentally shaved eyebrow was re-applied with a permanent marker...leaving
snort laughing results. Ok, that is so me.
Speaking of my daughter...and two sons. How are my children handling this?
In a manner totally in character with their personalities.
My daughter, Tara, and I had a good cry at midnight several nights ago. And
at times, her eyes well up with tears when she is watching me. But that is ok.
My eyes well with tears when I am watching her. She is 20 and so bright and
talented and full of the joy of being in college and becoming a teacher. She
wants so badly to be with me...and I want so badly for her to give her full
attention to her studies and her life. We both agree, she will be my guiding
force in hats, scarves, maybe even wigs...and most assuredly eyebrows.
Derek, my 19 year old son, calls me a fighter and totally believes I will
beat this because that is what I do. He also does not live at home, so his
enthusiasm and humor are contagious when he returns to the nest for whatever the
reason...hot showers, chicken pot pies, and gas money. He is our free spirit
rock star wannabe...making music with his band and going on tour whenever they
have enough gas money to get them there. He also fully educated me about
medical marijuana...and how the government grows the best stuff! Too much
And then there is Cullin...my baby is now 15. He says little...absorbs
much. I worry about him a lot because he is the last one at home. While his
siblings are elsewhere, he will see me in ways he has never seen me. I may have
moods he has never known. He always asks how I am feeling...and always ask if
there is anything I need. I need for him to enjoy being 15...working hard for
great grades...loving his high school...his wonderful friends...and getting his
driver's license in the spring. The other day I just stood in the driveway and
watched as my husband gave him the car keys...and the two of them went for a
spin. I was still standing in the driveway even after they turned the
corner...just savoring the moment. And of course wishing they would come right
Which leads me to my husband, Terry. My rock, my strength, my health
advocate. In the past two weeks, we have had many doctor's appointments
together. And early on, he bought a day calendar with a folder and keeps track
of all my stuff...of which there is much. He even carries a bookbag now. And
he organizes it and studies it and writes down questions. Thankfully. Right
now our life is spinning out of control...and as a retired hospital CEO who
prefers things to be under control...I think this is his way of coping. Which
is fantastic. I have less paperwork to worry about and can focus on just the
task of getting well.
There is no other way to say it...I am truly blessed.